πŸ”₯ ROASTME
Roast me
πŸ”₯ The AI your friends warned you about

Your friends are too nice.
We're not.

Upload any photo. Our AI studies it for 30 seconds, then writes a savage-but-playful roast card so good you'll frame the insult. First two lines free β€” the full burn is $5.

πŸ“Έ
Drop a photo here or click to pick one
JPG / PNG / WebP β€” roasted in seconds, judged forever

By roasting yourself you agree the AI is funnier than you.

β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜… 4.9 from people with thick skin
⚑ 60 seconds, photo to roast πŸ”’ Photo never stored πŸ’³ Secure Stripe checkout

Fresh from the roast chamber

Real roasts, generated by the same AI that'll read your photo. This is the energy you're signing up for.

Sample roast subject: gym selfie
πŸ”₯ ROASTME

"The backwards 'GAINS' cap is doing more heavy lifting than your legs ever will."

"You flexed so hard for this photo, your phone filed for workers' comp."

That smirk says "I do cardio" but your search history says "pizza near me open late". Your bicep has its own bicep, yet your personality skipped leg day too.

SAMPLE β€’ ROASTME β€’ SAMPLE β€’ 

+ 6 more lines behind the paywall

Sample roast subject: brunch selfie
πŸ”₯ ROASTME

"Holding avocado toast like a trophy is not a personality β€” but congrats on the bronze."

"Those sunglasses are doing the Lord's work hiding the judgment in your eyes."

Your mimosa budget has a better savings plan than your 401k. The duck-face left in 2014 but you refused to let it go, like your ex.

SAMPLE β€’ ROASTME β€’ SAMPLE β€’ 

+ 7 more lines behind the paywall

Sample roast subject: car selfie
πŸ”₯ ROASTME

"Finger guns in a parked car: the official uniform of 'my mixtape drops never'."

"That gold chain is working overtime to distract from the pine-tree air freshener."

Golden hour called β€” it wants its lighting back, you're wasting it. You've been "about to pull out of the driveway" for 45 minutes.

SAMPLE β€’ ROASTME β€’ SAMPLE β€’ 

+ 6 more lines behind the paywall

Get roasted like this β†’

Yours will be personal. Possibly too personal.

0
feelings spared
100%
egos bruised
4.9β˜…
from thick-skinned reviewers
60s
photo to full roast

Victims love us

Unedited reviews from people who paid $5 to be insulted by a robot.

β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

"I paid $5 to be insulted by a robot and I've never felt more seen."

Marcus T. Β· roasted 3 times
β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

"Sent my roast card to the group chat. I'm a meme now. Worth every cent."

Priya S. Β· group-chat legend
β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜†

"It roasted my LinkedIn headshot. I don't know how it knew. I'm scared."

Dave R. Β· one star off, it hurt
β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

"Bought one for my brother's birthday. He hasn't spoken to me since. 10/10."

Jenna K. Β· gift of the year

From photo to pain in 60 seconds

1

Upload

Drop any photo. The AI studies your outfit, pose, background and life choices.

2

Preview

Get the first two lines free, with the rest blurred and taunting you.

3

Unlock β€” $5

Full unblurred roast card, HD share image, PNG download. Post it everywhere.

Fair questions

Is it actually mean?

Playful, never cruel. The AI roasts observable choices β€” outfits, poses, backgrounds, photo quality β€” never who you are. No slurs, no protected traits, no punching down. It's the roast battle your friends are too polite to give you.

What do I get for $5?

The full unblurred roast card (8–12 lines), a high-res share card, a PNG download, and an emailed receipt with your unlock link. One payment, yours forever.

What happens to my photo?

It's processed to generate your roast and never stored on our servers. Your roast text is kept so your unlock link keeps working.

Can I roast someone else?

With their permission, absolutely. It's the #1 gift for friends with thick skin β€” birthdays, bachelor parties, fantasy football losers.

How fast is it?

About 30–60 seconds from upload to teaser. The AI needs a moment to fully appreciate your choices.

Your photo is begging for it.

Two lines free. Zero mercy. Five dollars.

πŸ”₯ Roast me now